I do not play imagination games with my children. You know, the “I’ll be the mom and you be the baby” games? Yeah, those.
Fuck those.
For me, not kids. They’re amazing for kids. Children should do it all day long. But I don’t want to. It’s not fun and it’s not interesting and if I did it with my offspring, the best I could muster would be thinly veiled disdain. And who the hell wants to play with a bored skeptic?
I used to feel guilty about this. I used to think there was something wrong with me as a mother because I didn’t hop into action once daily to join my child in her truck-bunny-on-the-moon play.
But then I asked myself: Where the hell did I even get the idea that this is my job anyway?
Who’s idea was this, and DID THAT PERSON THINK IT THROUGH?
I don’t think so.
First, please understand something: I was the queen of imaginative play when I was a kid. No joke I lived in fantasy more than reality. I used to make up whole lies when I met people because it was more interesting than the truth, and I sustained that behavior into adolescence. I’d wear a sling for a week to school. I invented whole alter lives and boyfriends and parents and countries of origin. Basically I was a compulsive liar.
I spent a good portion of my teenage years imagining my own funeral and what each person I knew would say about me. I would even cry. I am no stranger to imagination folks.
Potentially pathological issues aside, as a kid, I remember playing “school” every single day after actual school. I’d eat a snack, go back to my bedroom, shut the door, and “teach” my dolls, for hours. I also liked playing “restaurant.” And “store.”
Pretty sure I went into junior high still playing with dolls. I was extremely popular.
But at no point did it occur to me to ask my mother to join the fun back there in my room with my Cabbage Patch dolls all lined up learning about “The Miracle of Life.” That was my favorite book to teach. There were vaginas involved. It felt both educational and dirty.
And yet, here I am, 30 years later, thinking that if I don’t get on the floor and “be Ken” my kids are going to suffer some great harm.
No, no they are not. They are going to be fine.
Why? Because it’s not my job to entertain my effing kids. Who came up with that shit anyway? Hey parents, you need to provide for, nurture, clothe, feed, house and educate your kids and you need to MAKE THEM HAVE FUN WHILE YOU DO IT!
I do not owe it to my children to be somebody’s version of “good mother.” It is not my job to FAKE SHIT so I can fulfill society’s definition of “engaged parent.”
I get to be me. And “me” doesn’t like extended pretend play. And that’s okay. There are lots of ways to engage with children.
Besides, I have actual real issues to work on if I want to improve as a parent; for example, my yelling. But that’s another blog post.
You know what I like to do with my kids? Make jokes. Go outside. Go camping. Take trips. Hang out at the park. Bake. Cook. Read stories. Act goofy as hell. Indoctrinate them with my super progressive political ideas. Sing non-kid music. Play non-kid music loud while instructing them to please not repeat the swear words.
That’s me. That’s the family my little ones were born into, and that’s okay. My kids do not have a mother who enjoys crawling on the floor and meowing to complement their “kitty game.”
You’re cute. I like you. Please leave me out of this.
Meow.
Our kids are not stupid. They know when we’re bullshitting them, when we’re blowing them off, when we’re doing things half-assed. I do enough things half-assed each day – driving carpools, making dinner, waking up – so why the fuck would I add “play with you” to the list?
When I play with my kids I want it to be real and organic and spontaneous because we are both genuinely enjoying ourselves, not because one of us read some death article on Babycenter declaring that “imaginative play with children is critical to soul growth.”
Lies. They’ll be fine.
You know what I remember most about my childhood? All the weird and wonderful shit my mother did. I remember our spontaneous road trips and duct-taped van windows. I remember the impromptu trips to the beach where we’d barbeque hot dogs and play in the sand. I remember that one time our car broke down in Vegas and she played nickel slot machines to buy us daily buffets. I remember her singing Grace Slick in the car and pulling over to take a “power nap” while my brother and I died of boredom. I remember catching crawdads along the coast of Washington while she made us food under a tarp in the pouring rain. I remember the feel of her arms around me and that she never once told me I couldn’t come into her bed after a bad dream.
I remember my mom for being HER. I love my mom for being the woman she is – the creative, weird, lovely human being that sets her apart from all other human beings.
She is my mother. She is enough, and always has been.
So fuck all that noise telling us we need to be different humans to raise our children with love and compassion and depth and wholeness.
My midwife says, “You birth the perfect children for your family.”
I think of that often, and let it be okay that I’m not all “they” say I should be. This is it. This is us.
Come in close. I’ll give you everything I got.
****
You know what else I do? WRITE.
And though it now helps my family, it used to be for just me.
Give it a shot, if you’re interested.
We’d love to have you.
Samara
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 13:31I. Fucking. Love You.
That is all.
Jill
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 19:13I second this sentiment wholeheartedly.
Susan
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 13:43Haha so funny!
It is very freeing once you stop giving a shit about everyone else’s expectations of your parenting.
Joodz
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 13:44Isn’t that why we have other kids? To play with each other and pretend together?
I don’t remember my mother ever playing our silly games with us. And the best I came up with was doing puzzles and reading books with my kids. All 5 turned out fine despite my lack of interactive imaginary play.
Amanda
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 13:45PREACH
Jayme
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 13:50Thank you.
Doni
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:01YES! Couldn’t agree more.
My BFF and I played with Barbie dolls until we were 12. Like non-stop, all day. (It was Seattle, we kept ourselves busy when it rained).
But I loathed imaginary games with my kids too. Sure, I’d take an occasional “bite” of plastic kitchen food and say “deeeeee-licious”. But I also got “too full” really fast.
When our girls were in the 8-10 range, we’d drive through the countryside or town and they’d entertain themselves with “taking the spirit” out of the animals they saw. They’d even fight over who got it first and then would make trades, like baseball cards. They’re in their early 20’s now and look back on it as kinda creepy.
My kids will remember me for laughing at stupid jokes, being able to wrestle all four of them at once and still winning, as the bad guy on sugar and pets, but the first place to come to soothe a break-up, or talk through a problem.
I’m good with that.
Sally E
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:12And again….I FUCKING love you. Thank you for articulating that so much better than I can – so I can share it on Facebook and get shit for doing so but YES!
Sara
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:13My partner excels at this – killing yetis & stormtroopers in the yard – building campfires on our bed with pillows & pencils as marshmallows (never even done that in real life myself). My partner suffers with depression. So this game stuff makes him the best dad in the world to me. I can’t get into it myself – like you, Janelle – I’m doing the ‘other’ stuff. If you ever read this baby daddy (even though you won’t), you rock as a dad – don’t ever doubt it. We are lucky to have you.
Stephanie
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:14Finally. Thank you so much for writing this.
Lisa
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:30It’s my birthday today, and I can tell you this is this biggest, best fucking gift anyone could give me. It’s as if I wrote it and you added some stuff! I am so over feeling guilty for that shit, I don’t really make an effort to engage in that play and I feel like kind of an asshole.I’ll nurse a my little pony for a second, I’ll cut holes in a box to play in and I’ll talk in a funny voice if I’m in the mood, but I really don’t want to play the Mommy with dolls. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one. Oh, and the yelling thing, I’m looking forward to what you have to say next, maybe that could be a Christmas present?
perfect_mayhem
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:30So so true. Play is the work of childhood. Adults only interfere. A strong element of Waldorf schools and home-life is to enjoy activities along side a child if they require your attention by being busy in your own “adult” activity but in close proximity but not engaging in their imaginative play. We will only fuck it up anyway.
Tania
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:31Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I never played imaginary games with my kids – like you, I loved it when I was a kid but never did I expect my mother to join in! My girls also did not expect me to join in and that’s fine by me. They have learnt to, wait for it, entertain themselves!! A fairly foreign concept in these days of helicopter parenting. The first thing I taught my girls at the park, when they were old enough, was to push themselves on the swing so I didn’t have to stand there for 5 hours doing it for them!
Thanks for being you and sharing with us!
Angelique
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:32your writings always make me smile
i guess i’m a “bad mom” too *meow*
Sarah Yost
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:34Oh, yeah. Word. I do love the baby game though because it includes big hugs. But after the cuddling I’m over it.
My kids picked me to be their mother. That means they knew on whatever level what they were getting into. With me they don’t get dumb games but they do get fierce love. And swear words. And impromptu dance offs. And yelling and tardiness and sometimes the laundry isn’t done and then they learn to be resourceful.
Bottom line, they picked a very good mother. I picked very good kids.
Rachel
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:37Ok, but can you tell this to my kid? She doesn’t give a rats ass if I’m fucking around on my phone while following her around the house being the baby/student/daddy/mermaid. She doesn’t care if I’m not engaged she just wants a prop. I often feel shitty about not enjoying imaginative play with her. I was a theatre major, I love imaginative play, but not when I’m being dictated to by a 5 year old. That shit sucks.
Erin C
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:40Thank you. I’ve been holding onto immense guilt over this. I am not an imaginative creature, and having my 3 year old tug on my hand and want to dream up play is a kin to torture.
Linda Bogard
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:40Love it! I agree. It’s not my job to keep them entertained at all times. Our kids can develop their own imagination without us, and be better for it!
Shawna
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:53Yerp. My kids engaged me as a prop a few times and I wasn’t even good enough for that.
But being ***that*** person who dances in the street when buskers are playing and no one else is dancing, sings at the top of her lungs with the windows down and the music cranked to 11 while we sail down the highway, requires ice cream eaten out of the bucket for dinner while we watch a movie in a snowstorm, makes mountains of really good food from scratch, discusses serious issues with small kids and expects everyone to participate thoughtfully and respectfully regardless of age, giggles insanely at fart jokes, loves life and the kids that came into it with the ferocity of nine lions, ten tigers and eleven dragons rolled into one?
I’m the mom.
<3 all the moms, including those who get down on the floor and totally engage in the imaginary games.
Jenny
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:54I love this Janelle. I’m pretty sure your kids are lucky. And I’ve never “met” anyone who was so like me when I was young…yes to playing school and house in my room after school. I used to light a candle and toast bits of bread in a tiny cast iron pan in my room and say to my babies, “This is all we have to eat today.” Drama? Nah. I was practicing for saying to my six kids, “You only get one piece of toast! Put the bread back!” I played with dolls until I was into 9th grade (nobody knew this). And I used to sit in front of the mirror and cry, imaging someone I loved dyeing, and how when I fell to the ground crying, the boy I had a crush on for years would hold me. Yes to imagination!! But I agree, the play is not my job. My job is to give them something worthy of imitating (that’s some good Steiner right there)…a hardworking, striving, giving, creative adult who has fun when she can and loves her people. Not some silly overgrown kitty…if that’s all there is when you grow up, what is there to look forward to?
Melanie
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 14:56Breath of fresh air. I totally needed to hear this today. Whilst I’m thrilled that my 6 year old little girl loves Star Wars, I might slit my wrists if I have to be Han Solo or, stranger, a Paw Patrol character, to her Leia or Rey, one more time!
Ellen
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 15:16I love any game that involves me being horizontal, getting to hold my kids close, or lie down…did I say that already? Thanks Janelle for always being the voice of “be yourself goddamn it” because I think mothers are exhausted as fuck trying to be all kinds of ways that aren’t really true for them. Yes we have to grow and get bigger, but hopefully its because we value growing in that particular way, not because we feel obligated by society. Anyway, just THANKS
jnl
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 15:19no kidding!! i cant stand playing pretend. even as a kid i hated it. that is probably 70% of the reason why i do not want kids. i babysat too much as a teenager and one kid always wanted me to play “lions” with her. wtf am i supposed to do besides crawl on all fours and roar. thats why i always said “HELL NO” to kids. plus i cherish my sleep too much.
Anj
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 15:23Thank you. Period. Full Stop.
AG
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 15:51Oh thank god, I seriously thought I just wasn’t doing it right. I’ve never been into the make-believe games, EVER. Even when I was little and had a cousin close to the same age she would always want to “play pretend”. It got to the point where I’d tell my Mom I didn’t want to go over there anymore because I couldn’t stand playing her stupid games. Like you Janelle, imagination wasn’t the problem. I was, and still am, an avid reader and spend a good deal of my time imaging all sorts of things even as an adult. The problem is how fake everything was and how forced it felt for me. I’m now trying to have a baby and all these ideas of what I’ll need to do keep flooding my brain and the make-believe crap was high on the list of anxiety givers. I actually feel so relieved and off the hook after reading this. It’s decided, this Mommy will not feel bad if she doesn’t want to be a fucking pony anymore!! Thanks!
Not you
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 16:03The psycho that wrote this shit is fucked in the head and so arw all you bitches! Take your meds
Kelly
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 16:07And along that same vein:
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/are-todays-parents-getting-a-raw-deal_b_9645450.html
Libby
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 16:14Thank you! This came at a perfect time for me. I have been feeling really guilty the past couple days about not playing “house” with my 3 and 4 year old daughters. I play house all day long! I stay at home with three kids!
Michael Ann
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 16:29Truth. Thank you.
Can we had homework to this? Why are parents helping their kids so much with homework? Why are they DOING their kids homework? Is that what you want to do when you get home from work? No, you already did 4th grade. Stop it.
SusanE22
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 16:58I love it. Cannot COUNT the number of times I’ve said, since when the hell is it MY job to entertain my kids? Never mind the fact that more & more moms are having to work full time jobs AND care for their families on top of it. So NOW add to it entertainment. NOT! Spending “quality time” with my mom was a TREAT, not a right or an expectation. And I love her no less than if she’d played more games with us. I totally agree about living her for who she is, not for everything she did with us. She showed her love, she provided what we needed, kept us fed & clothed, even if it was from the Salvation Army. No matter. She loves us & we know it. And the best thing about her is her individuality, her sense of humor & her sassy side. I wouldn’t change any of it.
Frith
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 17:22So so happy you’re writing. Thanks for this.
Csmith
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 17:27I had a lot of kids ON PURPOSE so they would always have someone to play with who was not me. I didn’t want to be a kid when I was a kid. Like you say, I am not a play with Barbie, pretend to be a puppy, kind of mom, and I don’t really do games where there’s running involved.
I will read aloud anytime, snuggle and watch Star Trek indefinitely, bake anything yummy you want, do a craft or even build with LEGO. I know my limitations and so do my kids, and that’s fine. They don’t need us to be everything, they just want to be with us.
Shelly
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 18:29And fucking hide and seek. I do not apologize for never fuckng playing hide and seek with my kids. Plus they suck at it.
Susan
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 18:24I love hide and seek because I always hide in my bed. Under the blankets. Or on the couch. Under the pillows.
dana longino
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 18:29u should feel guilty
just don’t reproduce anymore
Stephani
Thursday, 14 April, 2016 at 13:22Hahaha. She’s teaching her kids to learn to rely on themselves rather than others. Being a grown up is hard and life hands out a lot of hard knocks. Teach your kids how to deal with it early and they won’t grow up into some whiney spoiled assed brat that thinks the world owes them something. PLUS your family is invited to do fun things with other families because your kids can entertain themselves instead of interrupting the grown ups every five damn minutes because they need the attention.
Erin Osborne
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 18:56Thank you as always for helping me feel like a normal mother????
Shenoa Tara
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 20:43Sometimes I read your posts and wonder why there aren’t a million other mothers saying the same truth. Then, I just think “It doesn’t matter, there is. this. one.” I feel okay about mothering in this world in part because I read what you write. Thank you.
TScott
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 21:15Speaking of imagination, who is this imaginary group of people judging our every move and setting the expectations? I agree, our engagement with our children should be genuine. If imaginative play is forced, then don’t engage. If imaginative play is a portal back to a time you enjoyed and have been waiting to tap back into, then go for it! Let’s not BS anyone though and take accountability where it’s due. This group that wags it’s finger and sets the ridiculous expectations is you. It’s the worried voice inside your head that never gives you a break, second guesses decisions, and removes you from enjoying your child through constant self-nagging and worry. If you perceive another mother to be judging you, it’s only because her worried inner voice is deafening. If it’s a childless parent, it’s only this worried pre-inner voice that is still holding on to the hope that they won’t fuck up their future child. If it is blogs like this, it’s you that is seeking out the judgement to validate the nasty things we say to ourselves. The judgement you’re fighting is your own. Rallying against an imaginary group of expectation setters is only a temporary fix and momentary righteous feeling … Besides, I thought we were all giving up imaginative play anyways?
Kerry
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 8:37I get what you’re saying, and the self blame and nagging worry is definitely a thing, but so are judgy parents (and non-parents). I have been criticized to my face by other moms and dads. Just last Monday a dad at my son’s gymnastics studio actually tried to correct me when I was talking to my son. I gently said “no” and repeated my original words. Seriously, who does that?? Anyway, I liked your post but please don’t disregard that there are actual dickheads out there being judgmental.
Candice
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 21:32Reading this, I felt like I was reading something I wrote.
When I was I HS,I said I went to London and met Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp and was at the premier of Pirates of the Caribbean.
My life wasn’t intresting. But the fantasy I lived in was.
I often feel guilty for not playing with my daughter. When she brings me her dolls and asks to rock them and nicely tell her “no”, and she walks away,sometimes disappointed, I feel like a bad mom.
But, we ways end up doing something else. Laugh,dance,sing. Something.
I thought I was alone with this.
Thank you!
Bianca Johnson
Tuesday, 12 April, 2016 at 22:05AMEN.
RESHARE.
AMEN.
Melanie Murrish
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 1:59Soooooo annoyed you didn’t write this 8 years ago!
Lori B Wynn
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 2:36Regarding….”Play non-kid music loud while instructing them to please not repeat the swear words.” ….You may like this better….
My rule about singing swear words is they must memorize every word in the song and sing every last bit of it, NOT JUST THE SWEAR WORDS, but then they are allowed to swear…
Anne-Cathrine
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 5:15I like to do pretty much the same things with me kids as you do with yours. And also, play board games and cards now that they are old enough to play other things then Candy Land and Go fish. One of our fav family games is Apple to apple and card games, Gin Rummy
Jennifer
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 6:42Sold. I saw how Loverboy ended.
Misty
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 7:42Yes, it’s not our job to entertain! We already run so much of their lives we can at least let them have that. I agree with most everything John Rosemond says about parenting, too. (I also agree a lot w/Matt Walsh.) 😉
Marie
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 8:31Wow. I knew this but seriously needed someone else to say it it loud. Thank you. As always, you rock. Keep on keeping on.
Kerry
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 8:32Thank god there are more of us out there. Thank any god/goddess/being/entity that there is.
heather
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 9:42FUCKIN YES!
Marisa
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 10:00Yes! I do not want to play store!!! or princess!!! I’m busy trying to fold laundry and shit.
Marisa
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 10:01or drink a cup of tea.
Adria
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 10:32Lol! Love it! Thank you for wiping some of my guilt away. Dad is the best at “battling” with the little one but I just don’t get into it either.
Sometimes, I will, however, play kitty and meow a little when kiddo asks sweetly ????
Biz
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 17:02Okay, so I didn’t finish reading what you wrote… I just skimmed to the bottom when I saw a peek of the photo. OMG that might be one of the best photos ever. Love love love it!
Lianne Raymond
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 17:25I think you’ll feel affirmed in this article – you are intuitively tapping into some old, old wisdom:
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/whosInControl.html
Rachel
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 17:46Made me laugh a bunch of times…I do play with my kids…somewhat excessively…I don’t know if I enjoy it or not…I think, like you, there are many, many things I love to do with them – nature walks, write stories, write songs – but the actual role-playing or moving figures around I guess I don’t. This is pretty liberating. (I also played school for hours and hours by myself.) Thank you.
Rachel
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 18:04“I was extremely popular” – yeah, me too! lol
I hate ‘playing’ with my kids for their entertainment – stuff that, I’d rather do something fun, even with them. I’m hearing you.
Linda Roy
Wednesday, 13 April, 2016 at 20:35THANK YOU! Spot freaking on.
Becki
Thursday, 14 April, 2016 at 2:33What a truly wonderful picture, how precious 🙂
Kate
Thursday, 14 April, 2016 at 7:52I shared this on my page cause I LOVE it, and my friend in Sweden reposted. It’s getting all kinds of likes and comments in Sweden too. Makes me feel better that the Europeans feel guilty about not playing Pokemon with their kids too! Hahahah.
Breanna
Thursday, 14 April, 2016 at 12:17YES! Just YES. This is spot on and just what I needed to fucking hear today. Thank you!
Louisa
Thursday, 14 April, 2016 at 14:57Yep, me too! I hate doing ‘made up stories’ at bedtime. I genuinely get nervous and my kids are only 4, 2 and 11 months! I know that I’m rubbish at them and they know it too, they can’t be fooled. I’m happy doing voices, dancing, pretending to be a character but just give me a book… Please! My husband thinks I just need to practice so tries to make me do it, (he’s great at it by the way!) but we all end up stressed, and I feel lousy. I’ll take a book any day!
Carmel
Thursday, 14 April, 2016 at 22:02THANK YOU!!!!!
Another Rachel
Friday, 15 April, 2016 at 2:11Thanks for the reminder….I don’t remember ever asking my Mum to play with me. I just got on and did my own thing. I HATE role play. I hate it in “training” courses and I would rather not do it with my son. I love Lego and I mean LOVE Lego… I will spend hours finding the right bits with my son and make models with him…..but play with them…that’s HIS job.
Thank you
Sarah
Friday, 15 April, 2016 at 12:47A *fucking* men!!!!
I adore your memories about your mom and how she always was okay with you getting in bed with her if you had a bad dream. ❤️❤️❤️
Nicole
Friday, 15 April, 2016 at 15:39Yup, same. I’ll provide the snacks, but don’t expect me to participate.
Katrina
Friday, 15 April, 2016 at 19:44Exactly. I’m not going to sit there and fake that shit! My kids are perfectly happy playing by themselves, or with each other. I will read books, occasionally build some Lego, that kind of thing.
Also, I work at a daycare and let me tell you, we can definitely tell which kids parents cater to their every imaginary whim. I am caring for 8 kids, I cannot physically play with all of them! Nor should I have to! They need to play with each other, it is unhealthy to always want adult attention! So anyways, thank you.
Axelle the french reader
Saturday, 16 April, 2016 at 7:55You’re so right !!!
Another example : when I was a kid and used to celebrate my birthday with some friends, we just spent time together, playing in the garden, etc …
Now mothers systematize every minute of the kid’s birthday !! They don’t play alone anymore ! There is an attraction for each moment of the celebration !
Except for my children … Who did as I did : they were playing by themselves with their friends and I admit I’m a bad mother.
Julie
Sunday, 17 April, 2016 at 2:03I remember the values and morals I tried to bestow on my children, through guiding words and actions. There was time for work, time to learn and a time to play. It was time to go play when Mom had work to do. There was time to go to the park, time for camping,time for visits with family and friends. Time to play with siblings and/or friends and time to explore their own interests… for instance when they were no longer enjoying one another’s company it was time to explore. It was our home and we all had a part in making home a happy place. Everyone had tasks to do and they were age appropriate. When camping I’d tell my kids silly stories and let them fill themselves with good food and smores of course! When time permitted I sat outdoors to watch them play, we sang songs together, we walked together, baked together, shopped together, ate together. I instilled in them my understanding of heaven and earth, how to respect animals and nature and other people. These are but a few reflections I make tonight after reading this article and the many thoughts and responses of others. I believe I was a good Mom and I’m very proud of my kids ! All The Best To All of You !!
Jasmine Hewitt
Sunday, 17 April, 2016 at 13:08I love this. Everyone has their own style of parenting and if playing in the floor pretending to have a tea party isn’t yours, then don’t fucking do it to please some other mom who prob isn’t even paying as much attention to her own kids as She is to yours.
dana
Monday, 18 April, 2016 at 10:01i like you a whole lot!
Carla
Monday, 18 April, 2016 at 21:29I love this. I don’t “play” with my kids either. But, we go on tons of bus adventures all over the city, take walks, plant stuff, cook, read great books (sometimes the same one, together, sometimes each of us with our own), and talk and listen to each other.
I used to feel kind of guilty for not engaging in pretend play, but, now that you mention it, my parents NEVER played with us, and it would not have occurred to any of us to ask.
My paternal grandmother, on the other hand, did play with us–dress-up and paper dolls and mud pies and the whole works. But we remember her as special, magical even. It was definitely not what we expected from the adults in our lives.
Stephanie
Tuesday, 19 April, 2016 at 16:36I seriously didn’t realize until recently that I didn’t have to do this! I thought it was part of my job and it was making crazy that I couldn’t just make myself love this kind of play. It doesn’t help that my daughter won’t do anything if I’m not in her line of sight. Still working on that one.
Melissa
Wednesday, 20 April, 2016 at 10:33Someone posted this on Facebook, so I had to come and read it. I fucking love you!This was awesome. I hate playing like that too.
Angela
Monday, 16 May, 2016 at 11:25Fantastic article. I feel guilty all the time and I feel like others think I’m a crappy mom because I don’t do pretend play. After reading this, I don’t feel so bad any more.
Terri
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 5:31Hi
I came across your website while looking for advice on Parenting, searching for help as to where I was going wrong as a Mother.
I can not express enough how your blog has made me feel. After reading just a short few paragraphs I could feel the guilt lifting.
thank you
Rebecca
Friday, 20 May, 2016 at 18:48Fuck you are my spirit fucking animal. I NUH EVER comment on articles and usually wonder who the fuck has time in their day to make comments on said articles but shit if I don’t love and relate to every. fucking. word. you. write. Keep on keeping on girl, you make me feel so so SO good about being me. All of the google eye heart emojis.
Emily
Monday, 23 May, 2016 at 11:33Hey, don’t knock “I’ll be the mom and you be the baby.” Because of my completely self-assured and in-control parenting, most of their experience of “being the mom” is desperately trying to get babies to sleep, so they usually tell me it’s naptime and generally begin wrecking the house quietly so they don’t wake up “the baby” for a while. It’s the closest I get to a vacation.
bjsesq
Saturday, 4 June, 2016 at 23:39I have only just started reading your blog but already feel that I’m becoming a faithful acolyte! If I didn’t know it before I certainly know it now. All the shit I have given myself over the years for my total and utter boredom with playing “barbies” has now dissipated. I love my kids but I don’t want to be one. And I firmly believe they should be allowed to be kids without adult influence. Some of the best times of my childhood were spent alone in my room or mucking about with my brothers – pretending. I didn’t want my mother to join in but I loved knowing that she was there. That was, and still is, enough.
Mrs Raven Salinas
Sunday, 25 February, 2018 at 6:57Yaaassss gurl!! I humbly add the bullshit invisible rule to be quashed, “Don’t fight in front of your kids or argue.” Wtf??!!?! No they need to know how to argue and stand up for themselves. Just be a proper example.