So, people are concerned that male pedophiles are going to prey on girls in female bathrooms.
UMMMMMMMM geniuses. These flesh-eating-bacteria-scum were formerly sharing the bathrooms with your boys.
How were you not concerned about that?
And if you are so concerned about the safety of your children, why the hell aren’t you super freaking happy at the prospect of gender-neutral bathrooms? Gender-neutral bathrooms mean we get to accompany our kids no matter what their gender and age into restrooms.
For example, my 10-year-old son is too old to use the women’s restroom but I hate letting him use public restrooms alone because I’m weird and overbearing and have internalized irrational threat narratives, so my only option is to stand wild-eyed halfway in the doorway, glaring at the people and repeating his name loudly until I’m sure he’s peed safely. And washed his hands.
I’m kidding. I don’t do that. But I want to.
Gender-neutral bathrooms would allow my kids and I to all use the same bathroom as one big hand-washing batshit WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY KIDS family.
It’s a damn parent’s dream.
Everybody keeps talking about family safety. Family. Family. The threat to our girls! And now businesses are like, “Hey, you can stay in bathrooms with your kids to ensure their safety” and you’re like WHY DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT THE SAFETY OF MY FAMILY?
Also, our kids are way more likely to be hurt by people we know. This is awful. This is also a statistical fact. We should all get down with facts.
And if you’re worried about you as a woman getting raped, well, I understand that. That is a worry. I too am a woman, but frankly, we are at some risk no matter where we go, and I’m pretty sure if a rabid rapist were hell-bent on attacking a woman in a bathroom, some stupid fucking plastic sign outside the door wouldn’t stop him.
I don’t think sociopathic degenerates are like “Oh, well, if it says I can’t go in there I guess I won’t” when they plan on assaulting a human being. Something tells me societal decorum is not at the forefront of their minds.
I wish they would die in fires.
Let’s move on to freak-out number 3: Men dressing up as women to creep on females in the women’s bathroom. First of all, this already happens, only with men dressed up as men. Have you not heard about that fucking freak show that like lived in a porta-potty or some shit so he could watch women pee, and, evidently, get pooped on?
I read about that years ago and to this day I can’t use a portable toilet without glancing down to make sure a face isn’t staring up at me. Oh god. I should not have said that. I feel gross.
I hate porta potties.
My point is that there are sick fucks everywhere, people, and transgender people are not more likely to be those sick fucks, and if you think they are, you have bigotry transphobia issues. I suggest you work those out somehow, possibly with education. I am not being sarcastic. I am sincerely asking you to learn about what transgender means and how it is not associated with sexual deviance.
Well, unless you’re some sort of religious zealot like that lady who walked through Target waving her bible with her children in tow (how is that not abuse(?)) screaming about how Target hates babies. In that case, we’ll just hope you don’t homeschool.
And if some dude were claiming he is a woman and hanging out in the Target bathroom just kind of chillin’ randomly, don’t you think somebody would see him and he would get kicked out of the bathroom by security? Like all the other sick fuckwits in the world?
For example, a couple of years ago there was a creepy-ass looking dude sitting at a table in the children’s section of the public library. There were no kids with him. He was filthy and glassy-eyed and had a coat thrown over his shoulder and lap. I’m going to let your mind wander to the foulest thing you can think of, because you would be correct.
You know what I did? Walked up to the librarian and demanded that the sick lap-stroking subhuman be removed from the library immediately, and castrated. Sorry. So wrong. But fuck that guy. And fuck all the men and women that want to prey on our babies. And fuck the people who think trans and gender non-conforming individuals are those people.
This is my daughter, Georgia:
She was recently thrown out of a bathroom by older children who insisted she was a boy.
But I’m a girl.
They blocked her from the stall until she left crying.
Please, be the change, in your family.
AND BE IT NOW.
Saratoga Mommy
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:21I. FUCKING. LOVE. YOU. And this blog post.
Renee
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 17:58Ditto! I fucking love this post. Thank you!
MN MOM
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 6:05Saratoga Mommy and Renee took the words out of my mouth!
Danielle
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:25I have yet to wrap my head around this and the painful hate it has caused. You put a voice to my thoughts. You also brought up a good point which is horrific, but we must remember; most of these things happen with someone close. That is the awful truth. I do not get people. Sometimes I think people are so frustrated in general with life that they jump on issues and scream about them with out having any real thought about it. They are so desperate to be heard that they yell about the wrong things. Think about it. Really think about it before you go teaching your children to act as those in the bathroom with Georgia that day. Georgia, you’re beautiful.
Kirsten
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:29????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Angela
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:30This makes me want to scream and cry for your child. My sweet little pink and purple loving sparkly princess boy came home from preschool the other day and told me that pink is for girls. This sort of thing makes me want to kill people….and I’m a pacifist.
Carolynn
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:31“These flesh-eating-bacteria-scum were formerly sharing the bathrooms with your boys.
How were you not concerned about that?”
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!! I am the mother of two precious boys and I feel like no one ever cares about the boys! And YAY for gender neutral bsthrooms fo the szme reason! sorry for all the shouting!
Megan
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 16:32It’s not that they don’t care about the boys, it’s that they don’t really care about the girls. Yelling about the girls makes it look like their have a good excuse for being asshats, yelling about the boys… well they can’t do anything about that.
Except maybe become proponents of gender neutral toilets so kids can always be with an adult.
Dianne
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 4:16First, I am all about gender neutral bathrooms, people using whatever bathroom. But, really, its not that no one cares about the boys. However, statistically, pedophiles have a “type”. Those ones creeping on your boys? They’re still there. Because little boys are their type. The ones creeping on the little girls? Probably not in the restroom, but in parks, malls, by schools, etc.
I do not get that statement though—its like if someone is concerned (wrongfully so in this case IMO) about their girls, they MUST not be concerned about the boys. Pretty much not how rational people think.
panickitten
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:31I fucking love this post. YES to everything. I just can’t handle all the shit flying around right now. Damn people, there are enough sickos out there. No need to accuse trans people of this. That Georgia is awesome.
Anna Hjelmstad
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:33You are my fucking favorite person.
That is all.
Jennifer @ WrittenByJennifer
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:34Setting aside for a moment how horrible this law is, how do they intend to enforce it? Is there going to be a state issued gender ID card for everyone that they need to show to an attendant at the door or will the attendant check the goods first hand?
Jennifer @ WrittenByJennifer
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:36Also, can’t we please get gender neutral fully enclosed stalls with actual doors that lock? None of this gaps between the partitions and questionable slabs of metal bullshit.
Tracy
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 14:38Right! Thank you! Solves all the problems from all the people
Kitten
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 15:01It’s funny you bring that up. Two different cis-women in North Carolina have been harassed by male policemen while trying to go into women’s bathrooms because they didn’t look enough like what the policemen thought women should look like. The second one was downright not allowed to go in because she didn’t have her ID on her to prove she was a woman…because she was wearing jeans and a tshirt and had short hair basically. So the laws that are meant to keep men from harassing women in our bathrooms has resulted in men harassing women in our bathrooms. *sigh*
Jen G.
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 11:28That’s very interesting. I am 5’2 with very short hair (b/c I like it that way), am in very good shape and bigger breasted than I’d like and yet, some people still seem to think I’m a man. It’s all about perception. The majority of the transwomen I know are beautiful and extremely sexy. I honestly have no idea how this law is going to play out, but I am just shaking my head in the mean time.
Errin
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:49Thank you for this. I love reading your posts so they can become my internalized talking points rather than the blubber mess of words I try to throw together on my own. Also- thank you for always adding a little humor to things that usually just make me sad only.
Rose Harrigan
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:59I believe that ultimately the answer is going to be private family rest rooms like I have seen in a lot of places. Parents can take their children in there with them. They provide diaper changing tables, etc. I also see people who have gender issues using these facilities as well. For 75 years I have been taught that the women’s bathroom is for women and the men’s is for men. Please don’t expect my generation to be as happy about transgender identity issues, it just ain’t gonna happen easily. I was also plied with all the freaking out issues your blog identifies. Is there nothing so hard to lose as pre-conceived ideas and notions that have been hammered into you for years? Please go back to using proper English and leave the swear words out of your blog – or do you actually talk to your children like that? I don’t mean to be critical, but while it may not be offensive to your generation, it certainly is to mine. You people of the “Me” generation don’t show much respect for yourself or for others. If you think that advocating for issues that shouldn’t be issues is important, then you should be able to see why this country is going to hell in a hand basket that Donald Trump is carrying.
Do you really think that less of this will occur when we allow anyone who wants to use the potty of their choice? The more serious issues of our time are getting put under the wheels of the bus because they don’t get enough attention. For example, where are the mental health facilities for people who need them. And, don’t tell me that anyone facing transgender issues doesn’t need mental therapy. Or, for that matter, how many souls would not be homeless and out on the streets if mental health therapy were available? This is just my opinion, I don’t expect to change minds about anything, just want to get my two cents in. I don’t have the answers, but I believe that making these issues so large that they seem uncontainable helps no one.
Daphne
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 13:32This is so fucking stupid, it hurts.
Sincerely, a member of ‘your’ generation.
renegademama
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 13:35And Daphne knocks it outta the park!
Tiger
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 9:02*fucking park.
🙂
Jodi
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 15:06I really don’t understand how you have issues with someone who is upset, so is swearing. My grandma (who is 94 years old) swears sometimes. She also goes to church religiously and doesn’t judge people. She has an open mind and at your age, you should as well. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but we all know we certainly can.
Susan Arthur
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 17:00You know what? I’m a member of your generation, too, and I think swearing over something as horrifying as this –the way transgender people are being treated– is absolutely the right thing to do. I was raised with those same conservative beliefs, but I got over them. All it takes is a willingness to consider the other side, honestly. And yes, I raised my kids to question and to stand up for what they believe in. If they swear while doing it, so what? Sometimes reality isn’t toned down for delicate ears. And my kids have enough respect for others to allow them to make their own choices and mistakes.
Alyssa
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 17:40Read the other (very positive) stream of comments on this post–it seems the majority of readers here found something in it that resonated for them. Does that mean your personal response is wrong? No, not objectively. But do consider that if you find this post to be offensive, perhaps this was not written for YOU–you are free to not read it.
You talk about how the “me” generation doesn’t have much respect for others, and yet your post demands that our author cater to YOUR sensibilities. You tell her than an issue that has directly touched her CHILD is a non-issue that she should stop writing about.
I find your suggestions to be rude and disrespectful. I find your sense of entitlement to be offensive. Enough of this nonsense.
Shannon
Saturday, 21 May, 2016 at 22:17Well said!
janie
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 18:03Oh Rose, I know you don’t speak for your whole generation, or the Greatest Generation, either. My dad, a WWII veteran, completely supports the rights of transgender individuals. It’s amazing to watch how he becomes more loving and more radical with every year that passes.
Nchole
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 19:00Are you serious Rose? Feel free to fuck off and not to follow this awesome blogger and momma! People like you with your hateful “my generation” attitude is why this issue is only now seeing the day of light because for so long being “different” meant you were shunned and were considered a deviant and deserved to be punished. I off course don’t mean to offend you personally as you seem to suggest Dumpf is the loser carrying the USA to hell, but oh well… My mood is less than sunshine & roses after working 4 long 12 hour shifts this week.
No wonder people have been afraid to come out….Why don’t you just say if you pray enough God will “cure” you? I’m up here in Canada, (Land of marriage and all), but am an American from the tiniest little back woods town in Michigan… The ignorant stuff I see when I visit back home makes me cringe in so many ways. I love the fact that most family geared places have family bathrooms here in my city! I’m also a nurse…. And the only reason I’ve seen that my transgendered patients need psychiatric ie “mental” help isn’t because they are transgendered, gender neutral, gay, bi etc etc it’s because of the shitty horrible apway people have treated and abused them and made them feel like less than nothing and certainly not human. And in case your were unclear…. There is Nothing wrong with needing mental “health” care or having a mental health “disease!” ( of which being transgendered, bi, gay, unsure or gender fluid is not a disease but rather and identity). When the stigma attached to needing help for one’s mental health is diminished or erased then maybe just maybe it will become more accessible to those that need it irregardless of sociology-economic
Fuck some peoples stupidity and ignorance blows my mind. Your post has a whole ” good girls don’t tone to it.” Whether I swear or not, or that Janelle swears, has no bearing on what type of person I am or the goodness of my intentions or how I speak to my child. Ugh…. Sorry for the long vent!
You go Georgia (and Mom)! You are an awesome beautiful amazing little kid! Don’t let any shit head tell you otherwise!
Angie
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 19:03“Please don’t expect my generation to be as happy about transgender identity issues, it just ain’t gonna happen easily.”
Please don’t expect any open minded, sane person to believe that blaiming your bigotry on your generation is acceptable, excusable, or understandable. And btw, you’re exactly the kind of person handing Trump the hand basket with our society nearly nestled in. As Janelle said, be the change. I’ll go over step further and say, don’t be the sorry excuse.
P.S. Fuck, shit, damn, et al are in the dictionary. Aka “proper English”.
AmyLMHRN
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 21:59And yet, silly me, after being taught so since early childhood, believing “ain’t” is not proper English.
Well shit!
Angie
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 19:01Right? But she’s of the “do as I say not as I do” generation, so she can just blame that for her hypocrisy too.
Sarah
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 19:29Do people not know that if you don’t like something that you are reading on the internet that you can just, like, not read it?
Mimi
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:52I would definitely be a ‘member of your generation’ and while I don’t generally use some of the language the author does, I totally agree with the issues she raises and share most of her experiences.
Back 40 or so years ago, when I was working in public library administration for a pretty large public library, the reference librarians called me to come to the adult reading area. There was a high school class using the area, and a man sitting in one of the chairs with a newspaper slightly draped over his, um, midsection, ogling the teens and helping himself so much that the newspaper was dancing. I went up to him, pulled back the edge of the newspaper to make sure he could see me, and said, “Sir, you are not allowed to jack off in the public library. Please leave now.” And I want you to know I sounded like I meant business. He got up and left forthwith.
I also had to make a tour of the men’s restrooms just about once an hour late afternoon and evening: knock, walk in, and tell the inhabitants that smoking grass in the public library restroom was not allowed.
But you know what? NEVER, NEVER was there EVER an issue with someone who identified as transgender. And don’t say it’s because there weren’t those people then. There were. There are. And they just want to be treated with some sort of respect and dignity
Jamie Austin
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 13:14Rose,
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve only recently realized, myself, how the barrage of daily swear words seems to make everyone a little less hospitable to each other. I don’t mind it in print, though. Not in articles or blogs. In comments it’s more abrasive. I would be hurt if someone spoke to me the way some of the responses here have to you. Especially after I went through lengths to make sure I wrote carefully, respectfully, and with mind to open dialogue. But, we are all warriors behind a screen. Something about anonymity makes us lose sight of empathy and courtesy.
Your generation has made great strides in accepting new ideas! From Civil Rights to gays in the military and gay marriage, to gender equality (all genders) I’ve watched your generation make progress and change minds. Thank you for that. I know it wasn’t easy. Change is hard.
It does take time. Some will take longer to accept it. And the message won’t reach everyone, no matter how hard we try. You’re right, mental health services should take precedence over the silly bathroom debate. Family style bathrooms make it easier for everyone. It’s a simple solution that we probably won’t get around to doing. It’s barely anything to talk about except…
Except this mom is hurting because her daughter is hurting. Her daughter is hurting because someone thought she wasn’t “girly” enough to warrant a basic human right… the right to use the bathroom when the body calls. Bodily autonomy is, in my mind, one of the most important needs of individuals in a society. It is shockingly easy to accomplish and yet… we have those few who crave to violate another’s. We know slavery, indentured servitude, and sex trafficking. Rape culture is finally becoming a word people know. Police brutality, too. Abortion, an old favorite in the debate. What we are allowed to do with our bodies is so important to our sense of self and well-being…
Which is why I liked that you mentioned that Trans people need access to mental health services. That concept of “what do I do with my body” must be very hard for some of them. I can’t imagine swapping genders in a binary system without significant support.
The homeless too, are so fiercely marginalized. They are like an Untouchable Caste in our country. I read a quote once, though I can’t remember it well, from the 1800’s. It said something to the effect of (paraphrasing) “All around the world will a common man tip his hat to his better. Only in a America will his better tip his hat back.” Not anymore. We’ve developing a tiered society. We’re developing a Caste society. We’ve lost that American spark for protecting each other. We’ve lost so much of that. I weep over it. I do.
I love how this mother struck out not just for herself, but for others. An injustice to one is an injustice to us all.
I see so much pain and sorrow in the world, Rose. But, we’ll make it better. All of us have something to contribute. I personally like to have polite conversations online with people whose lives are different from mine. I ask new people I see what their worlds are like. I try to learn as much as I can. Education comes in so many forms.
I appreciate that this mother is trying to educate us that because of our narrow focus on where people can use the bathroom, we are actively preventing through intimidation, the ability of some humans to use the bathroom. She has a first hand account and that is valuable information. I hope it serves to educate someone else.
Rose Harrigan
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 13:41Jaime,
Thank you for your courtesy. I can understand that mother being upset about the treatment her daughter received. As you pointed out it will take time but eventually we old folks will die off and hopefully the newer ones will have respect for themselves and others.
When I say “ain’t gonna happen.” I mean that as I speak with others my age, they are as adamant as this mother about their sentiments. Let’s face it, no one should ever be looked at and assumed to be less or more than what they are – human beings. I can’t tell you how many times my grandson who had blond hair, fair complexion and blue eyes was told “she was a beautiful little girl.” Because of those incidents which sometimes occurred when he was with me, I learned to ask before I leapt to assumptions.
I accept the opportunity to change my way of thinking and challenge others to do so as well. However, realize that because of this court’s ruling, boys will now be able to shower with girls in school. Do we really want that no matter how the child identifies sexually?
Young men and women often have difficulty showering with their gender peers, how much more awful will it be for them when they shower with the physical opposite of themselves. Ask any male you know how a thin young man was treated by the “hunks” in their school.
If anything, we need to fund schools so that individuals may shower alone and in peace with no distractions or bullying.
What amazes me in some of these blog responses is the amount of hostility shown to those who don’t agree with them. Again, thank you for responding in a civilized manner. We need more of this rather than raucus rabble-rousing that does not solve any of the problems.
Daphne
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 14:22Okay, so I should probably keep my mouth shut, but, but, but….having been the first person to take a fucking swipe at poor hapless Rose, a sweet little old lady who just needs time for her generation to step up and be proper human beings, i can’t help but be the first to step up and take a swipe at gentle Jamie, who believes that Rose has been hard done by because she was a polite and respectful dick.
‘Something about anonymity makes us lose sight of empathy and courtesy.” No, Jamie, bigotry and stupidity makes me lose sight of empathy and courtesy. And someone playing the generation card to excuse the afore-mentioned just really pisses me off.
“You’re right. Mental health services should really take precedence over the silly bathroom debate.” Silly? Really? I think you are missing the point. The ‘silly’ bathroom debate is a touchstone – the spark needed to draw attention the the plight faced by transgender people that has driven the need for mental health services far beyond what the system can bear. Remember the chicken and egg question?
‘Except this mom is hurting because her daughter is hurting.’ No. If I can speak for Janelle, and Janelle, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, Janelle is pissed about a larger societal issue that only exists because of small-minded bigots who think that because they were raised a cetain way, they are now incapable of independent thought and seeing the unfairnessness of a poltical and governmental system that clearly discriminates against a particular group of people based on their sexual identity. The fact that Georgia was exposed to such bigotry is purely an example of what millions of others face on a daily basis. Luckily for Georgia, she has a mom who is smart enough to deal with this incident in an appropriate manner, which will not, I am sure, include lectures about dressing appropriately and growing your hair so other people will not be dicks.
“We’ve lost that American spark for protecting each other.” Seriously? You actually said that? Talk about historical revisionism. I can’t even….
So, you weep over it. You do. Some fucking help that will be. How about politely and respectfully telling Rose she is wrong? You don’t curse? Fine. But don’t judge us that do. You think we hide behind keyboards and anonymity? I think you hide behind a facade of polite bullshit that enables the Rose’s of the world to perpetuate the inherent biases in our society because it would make others uncomfortable to tell them out-fucking-right that they are wrong. And God forbid, the Roses of the world be uncomfortable. It would almost be like being a woman forced to use a men’s public washroom. Almost.
Sorry, Janelle, I might have been a bit of a dick.
Angie
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 19:10Mic drop *roaring applause*
crystine
Monday, 23 May, 2016 at 0:24Amazing. I fucking love you.
Doni
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 12:59I’m SO sorry this happened to sweet Georgia. I hate that this is even a topic of conversation. People have been peeing where they’ve felt comfortable in forever without any problems. Why does this need to be a problem now? Oh yeah — hateful bigots. I fear the damage being done to gender queer/expressive/transgender people FAR more than any perceived risk of what could happen to me or my cis kids in a gender neutral bathroom.
MaryBeth West
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 15:35Yeah…sweet Georgia…who could be mean to that wee collection of sunshine? I feel bad for those kids too, because I think it’s awful that they’ve been exposed to such ugliness that they thought that was the thing to do. I’m also of an earlier generation…I’m a grandmother, but we can let ourselves fossilize…the trans kids I know….and the gay ones, and the gender non-conforming, and the other gazillion flavors of queer younglings are so achingly vulnerable in the midst of this. So many have lived with such harsh judgement as those who should be their protectors push them away, attack their personhood, sometimes even throw them away like garbage. They need our care, not us judging them.
TwoWishes Tara
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 13:07I’m not someone who gets emotional easily, but I’m literally crying at the thought that your lovely daughter with that sweet smile had to face such an ugly experience. I’m so sorry.
(Also, I had a college friend who was raped in a bathroom, so I’m always a little afraid when using deserted bathrooms. But I’m afraid of people like the one who attacked my friend — an evil, criminal MAN who took advantage of an opportunity where no one else was around. A transgender woman is welcome to come pee next to me anytime. It’s just not one iota the same situation.)
renegademama
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 14:08Also, my friend Casey wrote a great post about talking to our kids about what to do when a child’s gender presentation doesn’t “fit” expectations in a certain bathroom. 🙂
http://www.lifewithroozle.com/2016/05/12/talking-cis-kid-trans-bathroom-issue/
Nicole
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 14:28My gorgeous, athletic, short blonde haired 12yo daughter (who is more likely to be wearing athletic shorts and t-shirt than anything else) and whom plays hockey with and against boys, gets casually referred to as “he” by strangers all the time. Waitresses, parents of other team’s players (I let this one slide more so, because hockey gear and helmet) and I can tell it bothers her sometimes, to be assumed to be male because she doesn’t conform to some sexist female standard of frills and long hair. She goes through cycles where she grows her hair out, and literally the only difference is her hair, and magically the “he” reference go away. Seriously, WTF society?!
Rebecca
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 17:36My now 13yo daughter cut her hair into a pixie cut and raised $1000 for the Leukaemia Foundation last year. She, too, is an athletic girl who prefers shorts, t’s and runners over traditionally feminine clothes.
None of her friends would join her, as they liked their hair very long (most girls that age do).
She liked having short hair, but is growing it because she kept getting called “he” and “young man”, even by teachers at her school who knew her!!
We all make gender judgements on appearance unconsciously (our brain likes to categorise) but that doesn’t mean that as a society we can’t grow to the point that that initial assessment we make makes zero difference to how we treat people.
She coped okay with being called “he” because being a boy isn’t a bad thing, but it wasn’t who she was, but the stares did make her uncomfortable. Oh, and the kids at school calling her “the new boy” (until a teacher made all said kids write a big long essay on leukaemia and a written apology to my daughter. Maybe the essay should’ve been on gender identity).
So I think it’s a relatively innocent mistake using the “he” pronoun in general conversation, BUT the gender that they assume someone is shouldn’t change the way people are treated. Sometimes we don’t know “who” someone is just by looking at them (and our culture and society makes us want to know). But they are a person, and that’s all we need to know, and that’s how we should treat them.
Maybe one day we just won’t use gender-based pronouns at all. How good would that be? We should make up a new one. Like “they” but singular. And humanising, not like the dreaded “it” that many bottom-dwellers like to spew up.
Janelle, your Georgia will change the world somehow. She’s something special and I wish she didn’t have to go through shit like that. She’s lucky she has you and your family.
Larissa
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 14:44My heart hurts for precious Georgia. I am so, so sorry. Thanks for the blog, it’s perfect, but more than that I want Georgia to know she is loved and treasured and supported by those she doesn’t even know. She, you, have an angel army looking out for you. Maybe you feel uplifted and loved.
Lori Bickford
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 15:46WONDERFUL! This is just so perfectly wonderful. THANK YOU for making all the points I had in my head, but didn’t know how to express. Your daughter is adorable, and why do so many people have to be judgmental assholes? Even as kids. It’s a shame.
Beth
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 16:08I am so sorry that happened to Georgia! Sometimes people suck. I wish there was a better explanation.
Sarah
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 16:26Agree with everything you said! I’m so sorry that happened to Georgia. :'( The whole thing is mind-blowing! Poor kiddo. Something somewhat similar happened to me and my son years ago. You see, I was that wild-eyed, overprotective Mom, so when either my boys or I had to use a public bathroom we went into the women’s. I didn’t care, because who was it hurting? No one. Anyhow, on one such occasion, I brought my 6 y/o son with me so he could use the bathroom, waiting outside the stall. When he came out to wash his hands, some lady at the next sink starts freaking out about how I can’t let my son use the women’s restroom. WTF? Similarly, I had some guy chastise me while I was breastfeeding my six-week-son while walking through Target, saying, “WHAT WOULD YOUR HUSBAND SAY??” Really? This is the shit to get up in arms about?
Just2Clarify
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 4:15Girl, I’ve been boobie bashed many a time! And I use a cover!!! One old battle axe in Home Depot said “This is a man friendly store, why do THAT here?” I brushed it off so she wouldn’t soil her depends, but then she spouted off again. “We know what you’re doing under there, you know” I was wondering what kind of idiot she was, really, I was FEEDING A BABY!!! I told her to clean her glasses and realize I was feeding my baby and wearing a cover. Then I pretended I suddenly got it and said “Oooh, I get it, you WANTED to see?” “My COVER is what offends you, well I’m sorry but this isn’t a peep show” Her husband chuckled and she gasped like I gut punched her! She probably removed his testicals later than night.
janamg
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 7:39My husband would hold the baby so I can punch you in the face.
Nicki
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 17:28THANK YOU.
This – all of this – needed to be said.
“People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals.” This issue is only one small example of why. We The People could do powerful things if we united against stupidity, but I suppose it’s easier to bandwagon-demonize a moronic, imaginary cause.
By the way, my favorite College English professor in the whole world said “fuck” a lot in class. He used it masterfully, for full accentuation of the points he was making. It’s a word. Get the fuck over it.
Anne Layton
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 17:57I love Georgia and hope she continues to be loved.
Jen
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 18:01I wish I could compile all your readers’ and IG followers’ comments about how amazing she is and put it in a little book for her to pull out when she’s sad or frustrated or angsty or whatever. The whole world is her oyster.
renegademama
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:33Well, this comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Jen
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 6:59You do that to me regularly!
Sam Pereira
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:50That’s a brilliant idea!
Wendy
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 18:09Thank you! Very well said, cursing and all!
Peter Hockley
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 18:26Utterly, utterly fucking crazy.
christina ihloff
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 18:49This gender-conforming bullshit is one of the top 5 reasons why I homeschool. It is nauseating…let people be people.
Segal
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 18:50I love u
Smy
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 19:02Why does the government have to weigh in. Trans folks were using the bathrooms that they associated with, without any problem. What was the point in this even becoming? I would rather share a bathroom with a transgendered man in woman’s clothing than a man look a like with a vagina. If it’s not broke don’t fix it, and surely not the biggest brother of them all, the government. Did Trans folks want equality? Because I think they had it much more before this all started. And for the record, now our little boys and girls are equally exposed to bathroom perverts and freaks and the government helped make it happen. The Trans folks were never my concern.
cassie
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 5:06It’s the difference between doing something with uncertainity, and having a clear right to do it.
It is a shitty fight that has to be fought.
Katherine
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 7:09SMY, the federal government had to step in because a state government made a stupid, unenforceable law to make a political step to stir up fear and anger and republican votes demanding that people use the bathroom corresponding to the gender assigned to them at their birth.
Nchole
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 19:12Why should we make our kids conform to boy or girl? Our children are people and need to be treated and respected as such… If people can get so caught up on bathroom issues then what does that say for us as a society? until I had a child I never really gave the whole gender thing a lot of attention, but then I had to decide if I was going to raise him in a boys do this/play with that/dress like that etc or let him be happy. I choose happy and screw the stereotypes. Also we had a local child that identified as transgendered at a local school… The family has been very open and public about the transition in order to help others learn that different isn’t “wrong.” Following her journey has been very eye opening to see how we can help young people before they become young adults attempting suicide or self harm– much like those I see at work as a nurse.
Check it out
http://www.themavenofmayhem.com/
sort of real
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 19:48as a single mom of a son, I hated letting him go into the mens room. Because boys are just as easily abused as girls. Why isn’t anyone caring about little boys? Girls are just a more sympathetic target? Family/gender neutral bathrooms are a god send to parents.
Lizard
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 20:19Janelle, thank you for saying all of this, so many times, so well. I see you arguing it on Facebook with bigots and idiots, and it’s all so appreciated.
I tremble in fear when my wife goes to the bathroom in public because, despite being the femmest transwoman I’ve ever met (and I know a lot of them), she’s always a target. She doesn’t know this, but I freak out when she’s late coming home or when she doesn’t answer her phone because I’m afraid today is the day someone decided she wasn’t girl enough. I’m terrified every day that someone will beat her, like her friend was beaten in March. Or rape her, like another friend was in December. Or murder her, like 4 fucking friends of ours have been murdered in the last fucking 5 years. I know she knows of my fears, but we can’t talk about it without the facade of our invincibility crumbling, so we don’t. We just pretend it won’t happen to her, even while cradling our crying friend, even while mopping our tears at another funeral.
Your words are powerful. Thank you for having the courage to fight for all of us who are different.
renegademama
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:31Love to you, friend. And damn.
Angie
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 13:12This is gut wrenching to read. I’m in my office, tears streaming down my face, horrified at what you, your wife, and your friends and loved ones have experienced. The human race has betrayed you and robbed you of your sense of safety and security. I’ve rewritten this four times now because I can’t seem to find any words to express the hurt in my heart for the hate and violence the LGBTTQQIAAP community is subjected to. I’m so sorry people are this awful. I hope you and your wife continue to love yourselves and each other for being strong, and amazing people.
Lizard
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 18:48Thank you for caring. I hope that doesn’t sound trite, but I’m struggling for the words to say that adequately express how grateful I am to be heard. So thank you for listening as well. We need all the allies we can get, so that we can show that love and understanding are more powerful than hate and fear. <3
Angie
Friday, 20 May, 2016 at 13:32You do, indeed, have an ally in me and you don’t sound trite at all. Words can’t do feelings justice sometimes and I think we’ve both experienced that here. I grew up in Michigan where the majority of people I encountered were accepting of differences and a few of my closest friends in high school were in the LGBT (it was a shorter acronym back then) community. I have since moved to Idaho where conservatives are trying to take this country (or at the least the State) back to the beginning of the 20th century. It won’t happen if I have anything to say about it and the more people like me that move to conservative areas and won’t be silenced the better. I want to eradicate hate in any way I can. I will keep fighting on my end, I know you’ll keep fighting on yours. And someday, hopefully the fight will be won and we can all coexist peacefully. Until then I want to leave these words here, these are song lyrics that speak volumes and my personal mantra whenever I find it hard to accept the views of others:
Don’t let me show cruelty though I may make mistakes,
Don’t let me show ugliness though I know I can hate,
And don’t let me show evil though it might be all I take,
Show me love, show me love, show me love.
– “Show Me Love” by Hundred Waters
Travis
Friday, 20 May, 2016 at 14:41“so that we can show that love and understanding are more powerful than hate and fear.” Love this and love you.
Oana
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 20:29I really wanted to slam the bigoted grandma with a few choice words, then I realized she’s not worth the effort. My own romanian grandma was in her nineties when she told me that when you get to be that age, you realize how gender is really not what defines us… That we should make our humanity a common denominator and not waste time on judging and separating. So fuck yes, (swear word thrown in for your pleasure), don’t blame your age for your rigid small thoughts.
For little G, I fear not. She clearly has the light inside and knows exactly who she is… She will be the cool kid and she will meet her people. That doesn’t mean she’s not hurting when confronted with stupidity and obtuseness, so I would really like to kick those kids’ teeth in… Too violent? Sooooo sorry; it’s just that I’m so tired of these little assholes on their way to become adult assholes (yielding so much more power). Parents? Can you teach them better so they can do better?
Carrie
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 21:12I home school. I am not that type of woman. I know those type. They shop elsewhere and only eat at that chicken place I refuse to. They gawk at my tattoos. And pants. But my kids wouldn’t refuse your child, or any child the need to use a bathroom. In fact, when I showed them Georgia’s picture and told them what happened, they were stunned and saddened for a child they have never met. One asked, “how is this still a thing?” It won’t be for long, I hope. And why would someone read your blog if they don’t like what you say? Find a new hobby.
renegademama
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:29I love homeschooling, and did it myself with my son. I wasn’t very good at it, but I think it’s wonderful and was making a joke about hoping that woman’s kids have access to ideas outside merely hers. Because DAMN.
Your kids sound awesome, and thank you.
Joyful Girl
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:25Love love love. Thank you for writing this post.
Sam Pereira
Tuesday, 17 May, 2016 at 22:52I’m so sorry this happened to Georgia. How fucking awful. It makes my heart break imagining that happening. Little bastards. I like to think they got in trouble or something. Unfortunately, I know better.
steve
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 0:06Nice blog
downside of mixed bathrooms is that when there is usually a huge queue for the ladies and nothing for the men, the men can no longer quickly zip in and out, or will mixed toilets have urinals as well as WC ?
visited the usa a long time ago, walked into the male toilets needing a dump to find lots of bright blue lights, stainless steel wc walls and no doors 🙂
You have a cute girl who seems to dress like a boy, so I guess the older children can be easily confused ?
renegademama
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 9:32For sure, which is why I asked parents to teach their kids about gender diversity. And no doors? Was it a shady ass dive bar? Cause that isn’t normal. haha. 🙂
Beck
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 0:40I’m at level Jack Daniels on this topic. Jezus. Can people PLEASE get over genitalia? Please? Just get over it. The more I learn about gender the more I think it’s not actually a real thing at all. Just more stupid shit the majority of us are just blindly going along with.
Also, if you ever stop writing I’m definitely going to move to a cabin in the woods with no internet because why else would I need it?
Karisa
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 3:37Fantastic post. Also, I’m so sorry that happened to Georgia. Brought tears to my eye. People can be so mean sometimes.
Just2Clarify
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 3:54I just want to say, I WAS one of the ones out here in the World angered by this whole ‘SHARE THE BATHROOM’ thing. NOT because of transgender people or my “ignorance” or “hatred” or whatever anyone wants to say about people that don’t want a big hairy MAN walking up in the ladies restroom while they are having a potty break with their FIVE children (4 boys and a girl) because it would totally freak me out. Yeah, I would literally have a heart attack if a big ass man walked up on me in the bathroom! Does a BIG HAIRY MAN scream transgender to you??? NO, but it is a scary thought to be in a restroom with 5 kids and a burly dude walk up in there. Sorry, not sorry! Do I care if a transgender woman walks in there? Not a teeny bit! I am NOT afraid of transgender people, not afraid of gay people I AM AFRAID OF WEIRDOS using this new law to get their jollies in the restroom of their choice. As a mom of 4 boys, one of which is 13, I can say that it literally eats at my soul to let my son use the bathroom alone when they get to an age too old for the women’s bathroom. The part in this blog about standing at the door staring wild eyed and calling out the son’s name…YES, I am THAT mother! Do you think I care if people think I’m crazy or overbearing??? NOT ONE DAMN BIT! I’m protecting my child. I’m protecting my child that was MOLESTED in a bathroom at his dad’s house, BY HIS STEP MOTHER! So there, I said it. I am afraid of WOMEN in the men’s room TOO. NOT transgender women, SICKO WOMEN! They come in both sexes! I want to thank you for shedding light on this situation though. I, in all my worry about my children’s safety and my own, NEVER LOOKED AT IT LIKE YOU HAVE. This opens the door to FORCING my 13 year old son into going in the ladies room with me and the rest of my hoodlums! LOL I doubt he will be willing because I know him and he would feel totally weirded out and if my dear hubby isn’t with us, I suppose he will still use the men’s room alone while I stand outside the door and say “*his name* ARE YOU OKAY?” OVER AND OVER AND OVER until he reappears!
The problem, for me, was NEVER about transgender people…they are trying to find themselves NOT trying to find a way to look at people’s junk! Good grief! The people I am least afraid of in this entire World are gay and transgender. I’m afraid when loading my kids into my car after a shopping trip because some creeper could be anywhere! I watch TV, I read the news, I watch Criminal Minds! LOL But seriously, BAD THINGS happen out in public, in the privacy of homes, on a boat with friends…etc etc. Public restrooms have always been dangerous and safe at the same time, just like everything else in this World! There is an element of danger in any and everything. In all of that ramble (I have a hard time articulating, can you tell?) I was saying that NOT everyone that fears this new law is a bigot or hateful to transgender people. Some of us have been victimized and/or our children have or maybe we are just scared of the unknown, BUT it isn’t a fear or hatred of people that are transgender. I promise. More often than not, I would imagine that this whole bathroom issue has little to do with transgender and more to do with plain old fear of the “what-ifs”! Educating ones self isn’t going to put a cloche on the fear, though admittedly a little education will do a whole lot of good. I think that taking the time and brain cells necessary to understand that transgender people aren’t sexual predators and fear being preyed on as much as that rest of us is a necessity! But please understand that just because people are against sharing bathrooms with any and everyone isn’t always about hate, ignorance or bigotry. Understanding is a 2 way street. That’s just my 2 cents, it isn’t worth much, but I do want to clarify for the scaredy cats, like myself, that do not hate transgender people. Fear is a powerful thing, hard to get over it. I’m still afraid of the dark and I’m 32. You can turn the lights on and show me there is NOTHING there, but once they are off, that fear comes right back! Hope that makes sense 🙂
Angie
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 13:31You have one of the more eloquently worded objections to shared bathrooms I’ve seen BUT I still don’t think you’re getting the point. Allowing people to use the bathroom of their choice, where they feel the most comfortable, is the issue. From what you are saying you may not take issue with sharing a bathroom with transgender or gay people but you are more than willing to deny them a basic human right, the right to feel comfortable and safe using a public restroom, to protect yourself and your children from potential creepers. Those creepers have been around since the dawn of time and have always had more rights than the people you supposedly have no issue with. The time to change that is looonnnggg overdue.
I can appreciate that you are a loving mother and want to keep your kids safe but honestly the only part of your comment that rings true for me is this sentence, “Some of us have been victimized and/or our children have or maybe we are just scared of the unknown…”. Fear of the unknown is an incredibly powerful force and one that too many people allow to dictate their thoughts, actions, and beliefs. Please don’t allow your fear of the unknown to prevent you from supporting progress and acceptance of those that are different. Creepers are going to be creepers no matter what sign is on the bathroom door or who is “allowed” to enter, don’t make the trans community pay for the wrongdoing of others if your objections truly have nothing to do with their gender identity or sexual preference.
cassie
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 5:03Loving the Star Wars shirt… my GIRLS are mad Star Wars fans too.
I am also a Christian… and can promise that no where in the bible does it stipulate male and female bathrooms. If it did, then you think there would be far less arguments about toilet seats being up and down.
Love what you have to say, have been saying the same thing… Gender Neutral bathrooms would be great for a family.
My kids are old enough to use a cubicle alone, but young enough to run off looking for me when they emerge before I do. How handy to have Dad there to wipe there butts (also young enough to not bother closing the cubicle doors) while I pee.
The current method is to have the kids outside the cubicle door while I pee… and then cringe as they lay on the public toilet floor to look at me under the stall door. *sigh*
Peggy Miller
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 12:56I love “and can promise that no where in the bible does it stipulate male and female bathrooms”!
Diane
Friday, 3 June, 2016 at 14:51I love the stalls which have a couple of short chairs attached to the walls, much nicer than putting ayoung child on the dirty floor
Sarah
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 5:06Before the desire to classify others as “male”or “female” and who should pee where and why, shouldn’t everyone shouting about what defines gender to first acknowledge we are all Classified as HUMAN BEINGS with the same ability to feel love, shame, hope, and fear? Empathy will save the world people…it seriously will.
Dear Bigot Grandma,
If you define yourself but what you exclude and who you don’t accept Rather than who you include and love….generation gap or not…you are missing out on some seriously awesome unconditional love and opportunities to learn.
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” – Jim Morrison
Georgia, they’ve got nothing on you. SHINE little one. SHINE for you are wonderfully and fearfully made.
Virginia Tauseef
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 5:33Unfortunately, we live in a world where the stupidist things set us off. The world is going to hell on a daily basis and we are arguing over who gets to pee where. I have a little daughter and if she was with her dad without me around it would be the right thing to do to have her go to the washroom with him in the men’s room . There are so many perverts, pedophiles and potential kidnappers around that it would freak the hell out of me if he had to leave her alone because she couldn’t go in with him. Not every mall, etc has family friendly washrooms. It’s only a big deal because the media makes it a big deal. Seriously, how many trans people are out there? The world has over 6 billion people and we are freaking out over a few who just want to pee in peace. And about gender identity, my little girl has short hair. I don’t always dress her in “girls clothes”. I didn’t wear dresses till my senior prom. I don’t wear makeup to this day. I was and still am a proud tomboy. And I hope we can raise children who will be proud of who they are and are able to stand up for that. I feel your daughter’s pain, Janelle, cuz it sucks to be teased and laughed at for stupid shit. If it was my daughter, I would have torn the parents of those idiots a new one, but that’s just me. I hope that one day we can all realize that where you choose to pee, how you choose to dress, how you choose to have your hair is a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things. And btw,for all the haters:long hair can really suck sometimes, esp when you have to try to comb a wiggly kid’s hair or if your own hair is thick, thin, falls out, etc. Just saying.
Virginia Tauseef
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 5:45One more thing. Your daughter is a beautiful little girl. And she’s got a beautiful, strong mama who will always let her know that. I wish I could meet your family cuz I would let her know that personally.
Cassey
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 6:21Sometimes people just plain suck. And I’m so glad to see that most of the people who stop into your space on the internet don’t. Also all the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg hugs for Georgia.
marci nelligan
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 6:22I have a funky, short-haired girl who was kicked out of a bathroom by an older woman who screamed at her and insisted she use the boy’s bathroom. Our daughter didn’t tell us about this and started using men’s rooms until one day when we couldn’t find her, ultimately located her in the men’s room, and the whole thing surfaced. Two years later, she’s still afraid of public bathrooms. It’s such complete bullshit. BUT. Reading all these posts makes me consider the insane gender restrictions our kids are growing up with, at the same time, on some level, society becomes more open (or at least parts of society) about these issues. I want to start a parents against gender-bullying movement, an aspect of bullying that is (at least in my kids’ schools) never addressed. Anyone in? Also, can we talk about how hard you rock?? SO HARD!
Babs
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 6:25This was the first post of yours I read, and I’m hooked. Had to binge read a bunch more. Loved this one except for the homeschooling dig.
renegademama
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 9:28Thank you, and welcome! As I mentioned in another comment, I was making a joke about hoping these rabid religious zealots don’t homeschool simply because one would hope the kids would gain access to other ideas somehow, beyond their parents. I too homeschooled, and think it’s wonderful.
Heather
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 7:00This is beautiful, and so is your daughter. As the mother of a son who’s favorite color is pink, thank you. And as a North Carolinian, thank you. And on behalf of the whole human race, thank you.
Madelief
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 7:09My nephew was helping me at work the other day. He paused, said “I have to go pee”, and went outside. Could that not solve our problems?
Thank you for your brilliant words yet again. May your Georgia grow up to a more compassionate world. My number one goal with my daughters is compassion. What else do we need?
Anita
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 7:24Thank you for writing this. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Rachel
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 8:20I <3 this post.
M
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 11:27Being with the older generation….first of all, I really think the language could have been kept down. A point can be made without excessive profanity. Secondly, I personally don’t understand it all however, I am ok if there needs to be gender neutral bathrooms but I don’t feel people should be forced to be in a bathroom with someone that is a biological man or women because they have to accept it. I personally don’t like my son going in the bathroom alone and feel uncomfortable when I have to take him in with me. “Family restrooms” are what I use if there is one. So I guess the answer would be that establishments need to add on another bathroom that is gender neutral. That will solve it all.
Kate
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 12:16Sometimes it’s hard to go against the grain and stand up for what is right, especially for little kids. If they see the behavior at home, they will duplicate it in public. Exactly. Be the change. Our views are always changing with each generation, respect everyone and be kind. Bottom line.
Compassion – all humans deserve it.
I love your blog, you are raising beautiful humans. I hope to be half the mom you are.
Jodie
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 12:43I agree from a different perspective I have a three year old son who if I don’t hold him in the air to pee( oh I also have a newborn so this is so easy to do) in public places would be peeing all over the floor because he isn’t tall enough or leaning in the gross public toilet. It would be great to have a urnial for kids in all bathrooms .
Peggy Miller
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 12:54I have followed my son into the men’s room. My daughter has followed my son into the men’s room. He was three and potty training and his safety (and by safety what I actually mean is ‘his ability to not pee on everything’) was more important to me than what people at the grocery story thought.
Guess what? Cleveland is still here. Northeast Ohio is still here. I am still here. And I’m over it.
The only small, slight reason I have for still wanting men’s and women’s separate rest rooms is so that if I need to lock myself in a stall and cry for a few minutes, I will know which restroom has more stalls. But I’m in grad school so I realize not everyone has this particular preference.
Love it, keep on rocking.
Linka
Wednesday, 18 May, 2016 at 14:06Oh Lordie. Don’t know where to start. Came across your blog accidentally two weeks ago and just finished reading everything. From the beginning til this very one here. I was reading while nursing. Where on Earth were you all my life? When I was depressed after the births, when I was so lonely and numb, when pure joy and happiness almost broke my heart. So many times it felt like you put my thoughts into words. I wept, smiled, laughed or felt heart-warmed or relieved I wasn’t the only awkward one. Shame I found your blog only recently. Shame there’s this ocean between us.
I think I love you 🙂 Hugs for Georgie, may the Force be with her!
Hayley
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 0:43With you 100% you legend. Great article…until the end. The end made me cry. Stupid asshole kids being raised by stupid assholes.
Jennifer Johnson
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 5:46I agree with you 100%. I drag my 9 year old boy into the ladies room with him kicking and screaming…LOL….but then I am Police Dispatcher and KNOW there are sick fucks everywhere. As for what those little animals did to your daughter? They need some serious re-programming. I have to tell you though, when we lived in Germany my son was head over heels over the sibling of one of my daughter’s classmates. Now. she went to a German school and we loved it but there was some language barrier with other parents. The child’s name was Noelle and had gorgeous long blonde hair. My son thought she was a girl. I though she was a girl. My other friend that was American and whose kids went thought she was a girl. Something got lost in translation. They loved to hang out while we waited for their siblings to finish class. The next school year and my son and Noelle are in the same class. My son greets me in the hall and says “we need to talk mama”, he’s 4. OK. We get in the car and he proceeds to tell me that Noelle is a BOY. He uses the boy’s bathroom and is “equipped” according to my 4 year old. All I can say is “you’re sure?” To which he says yes. Then he tells me that he told Noelle that he still liked him, and they were friends, but that he planned on marrying a GIRL not a boy so that would have to change. He actually told him that! And Noelle’s response? Ya (German for yes). That’s it. They were still friends. LOL
Chenay
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 5:58I am so sorry for Georgia, and for you. Thank you for posting something so poignant, yet again.
michael whit
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 8:05Wow the language of that article was such that it took away from her message. As best as i can tell she does not think the century old bathroom etiquitte is of no help to keep perves from walking into the wrong bathroom; i maintain it is and has been. No one but the most insaine openly displays the lead up actions to their crimes…. ie no one just willy nilly walks into their crimescene brandishing their weapons; in the same way perves heretofor would not go into the opposite gender bathoom without fear of report. Now, with the gender neutral bathroom philosophy, folks are going to be scared of being called a bigot or conversly charged with making a false report because they errantly reported some identity confused person. THINK ABOUT IT: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SEEN A PERSON STANDING OUT SIDE THE BATHROOM IN A PUDDLE OF PEE BECAUSE THEY FELT DISENFRANCHISED AND UNABLE TO USE THE BATHROOM OF THEIR CHOICE. AND WHEN HAVE YOU SEEN A OPPOSITE SEXED CHILD ACCOMANIED BY A PARENT THROWN OUT WHEN IT WAS CLEAR THERE WERE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES? I WOULD WAGER NONE!
Angie
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 14:10I have so many thoughts competing to come out about your comment that I’m really struggling to organize them.
I’m so saddened that there are still so many people in the world like you. People who sit behind their screens thinking, “this doesn’t happen to me so it’s not real and anyone that thinks it is is stupid”. Please do me a favor, go to Google, type in “Bathroom Assault Statistics” or “Men hiding in Women’s Bathrooms”. Browse through the results, if you’re feeling up to the arduous task, read some of the articles therein. Here’s one statistic from the results I found doing exactly what I just asked of you, “roughly 70% of trans people have reported being denied entrance, assaulted or harassed while trying to use a restroom,” according to a 2013 Williams Institute report”. And that doesn’t even include people like Janelle’s amazing Georgia who may or may not identify as trans but simply don’t conform to gender norms. The blog you are commenting on is inspired by a real life incident that happened to the writer’s own daughter and the laws aren’t even in place in California and her daughter is young enough still that she just knows what she likes and doesn’t care about what girls “should” like.
Do you honestly think this law is going to make things MORE clear? If you were in a men’s restroom and Laverne Cox or Caitlyn Jenner walked in (they would have to use the men’s room based on how you want things to be) would you feel comfortable? Conversely, would you be ok with Chaz Bono or Arin Andrews going into the restroom with young girls? Cause that would happen too in your world. I don’t see a problem with any of those scenarios but I don’t live my life in fear of things I don’t understand as you seem to.
Please, Michael, wake up. Really wake up and acknowledge what you are thinking and saying and how much you truly know and understand about the situation and about people who are different than yourself. From here, it doesn’t seem like you’ve bothered to learn much at all.
Much less than a century ago I would have been shunned for being a woman in the workforce, in a male-dominated industry, wearing pants to work, and daring to believe that I should make as much money as my male coworkers in the same position. For even going to college to learn instead of trying to find a husband I would have broken the mold. Less than a century ago Hitler was slaughtering people for being different. Less than a century ago segregation was a legal and accepted practice. So, if you expect anyone (here in this blog, out in the real world, or anywhere else) to accept that “century old bathroom etiquitte [sic]” can or should dictate the practices followed in 2016 you are so sorely out of your element it’s alarming.
P.S. How the hell did you end up on this blog? Being so narrow minded and fastidiously holding to your antiquated beliefs of what “should” be, I would think you wouldn’t have anything or anyone in your life that would possibly lead you here. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Daphne
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 15:48And yet another mic drop. Roaring applause. 😉
BigWhiteDog
Thursday, 19 May, 2016 at 14:23Right on point. One side note however. The pervert in the porta-potty is a bit of a myth (just a bit, read on). If you ever actually looked at the tanks in the small common ones, you will they are not even big enough to fit a child let alone a human. It’s roughly the size of a medium (25 gal) trash can. Now the large ones sometimes seen at festivals (like the one in Colorado that did have a perv hiding in it!) and the campground/forest permanent non-plumbed (those that have their own septic tank) bathrooms are a different story. Those are big enough.
Jodi in OR
Tuesday, 24 May, 2016 at 7:38This is just perfect. Could not have said it better myself!
Christine
Tuesday, 24 May, 2016 at 8:48Georgia is so beautiful! Of course, you already know that.
Diana
Thursday, 26 May, 2016 at 16:30You’ve probably already told Georgia, but some people are assholes!! And those toilet-lord ladies who think have the right of deciding who gets in or doesn’t, they are the worse!
Your lovely G is amazing for enduring all this.
I’m sure your support is so important to her that it can make up for all the shit h
She hears every now and then!
Love for both of you!
Carolina
Friday, 3 June, 2016 at 13:25Fuck what those kids did to Georgia.
Diane
Friday, 3 June, 2016 at 14:50As I move further into investigating this issue, I learned about SORNA. It’s a federal guideline for sex offenses. Here is a link to Delaware’s compliance with it. I was shocked to see that even taking a cell phone into a bathroom with children under 17 is enough to convict me of a felony sex offense (Tier 1) under violation of privacy standards. And that is gender, and everything else except age, neutral.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjfpMH76ozNAhUhyoMKHRr6ASwQFggdMAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.smart.gov%2Fpdfs%2Fsorna%2FDelaware.pdf&usg=AFQjCNF_sIjGSAlk4vPkY_c-XycKMO2QLQ&sig2=nUezYVc-JDbXsnalpSLRUQ